7 Surprising Things People Want Their Loved Ones to Know After They Cross Over
There's a moment in my readings when someone looks at me and says, Wait. Really?
It's almost never about the big stuff. Most people come hoping to hear that their person is okay and still with them, and I get to say yes to all of that. It's the other things that often surprise them. The childhood dog Dad hadn't mentioned in years. The lifelong skeptic who's thrilled to find out there's an afterlife. The divorced parents who couldn't stand each other, together and looking after the family.
I think it's because we all walk in with the same picture. It's remarkably similar across religions, and even for people who aren't religious at all. We picture someone who's crossed over as wiser, more serious, more spiritual, and gone somewhere else, some place up in the sky.
Then I tell them the one who was always joking in life walks in still joking. The quiet one is hanging back, watching me for a while before saying a word. And that place in the sky? They're not up there. They're right here with us. They see us, they hear us, they feel us, and they know what we're doing.
I've been doing this for over 30 years, and I still love that look. Here are seven things that surprise families the most.
A little about me
I'm Janet Rae Orth. I'm an intuitive medium, spiritual coach, and energy healer, and I've done thousands of Messages from Spirit readings connecting families with the people they love on the other side. Yes, the pets too.
I started out in accounting, so believe me, I understand being skeptical. What I've learned is that this connection is far more common, and far easier to reach, than most people think. And I still feel so happy when a message lands just right and brings someone comfort.
The ones everyone hopes for
These come through all the time:
I'm okay. I'm still connected to you. I know what's happening in your life. Please stop feeling guilty. I don't want you to stop living. And yes, I can hear you when you talk to me.
Now for the ones nobody sees coming.
1. Every pet is there. (Yes, their people are there too.)
This happens all the time. I'll see the person who crossed over, and they're holding an animal, or it's right beside them, and they are smiling so big. They can't wait for me to tell their family that their dog or cat is there. And that animal was happily waiting for them the minute they crossed over.
Here's how it usually goes. The person I'm reading for is surprised, because Dad was never really interested in animals, and the family never had pets growing up. So when I say he's got a dog with him, she has no idea what to make of it.
Then I describe the dog. And she realizes she's seen that dog before, in old photos of her dad as a boy. That's Molly!
Dad hadn't mentioned Molly in years. But when he did tell stories about her, they were always animated. Now there she is, waiting for him. He's not only delighted to see her again, he's thrilled to share the news. Who knew she would wait so long, or remember him too?
We never really know which relationships meant the most to someone. A childhood pet they hadn't mentioned in years can still mean the world to both of them.
And if someone grew up on a farm, it's not just one animal. They tend to have lots of animals around them on the other side too, the same way they did growing up.
2. The skeptics are absolutely delighted.
This one typically happens right after someone has passed. These are the people who didn't believe in an afterlife, and were often outspoken about it. They might have been the only one in the family who thought that way. But everyone knew how they felt. Death was the end, they thought.
Then they cross over and discover they were wrong.
They're delighted, amused, and tickled pink to find out they still exist. They're present, they can see everyone, and they can't wait to tell their family about it.
3. They know how you feel.
This one comes up constantly.
After someone dies, the people left behind replay everything. I should have visited more. I wish I'd called. I was so busy that last year. And the question underneath it all: Did he know how much I loved him? Did she know what she meant to me? Did they know I respected them?
The answer is always yes. They know. They felt it, they saw it, and they know it now. They aren't keeping score of the visits you missed or the things you didn't say.
They understand you had a lot on your plate. You were providing, parenting, doing what you needed to do, and they never wanted you to drop those responsibilities for them. They get it. They know how much you love them and how much you miss them. They never want to see you in pain over this.
So much of the guilt people carry isn't being carried by the person who died. And they're not asking you to keep carrying it either.
4. Things they were furious about now feel unimportant.
Old arguments. Grudges. Family feuds. Money. Who was right and who was wrong. People can spend decades certain they were right, and then they cross over and all that intensity is simply gone.
I had a client recently who was the executor of her father's estate, and there was some real fighting going on with other family members, over money and property. She asked him straight out: Is there anything you want me to do? How would you want me to handle this?
He was completely neutral. He wasn't invested in the outcome anymore. He said whatever she did was fine, and it was up to her.
She was surprised. She expected him to have an opinion on who was right, who was wrong, what was fair. That's how he was in life. But he sees it differently now. That's the usual reaction from families, who remember how much these things mattered to their person. Now it doesn't matter to them at all. They're happy with whatever you do.
5. They see their own behavior differently, and they want to make amends.
This one comes most often from parents, especially the ones who weren't very attentive or nurturing. Maybe they were distant, maybe a little cold, maybe they just weren't there in the ways their kids needed. Not everyone who has crossed over is like this, but I do see it.
From the other side, they see it differently. They can see the pain their behavior caused the people they love, and they feel bad about it. They want to make amends. So they show up for you now, steady, supportive, guiding, encouraging, and sending all the love they have.
What I don't see is shame or self-punishment, which is what most people would expect. The regret is real, but it comes with a much bigger picture: how everything fit together, and why people did what they did, themselves included. It's more understanding than judgment.
6. Relationships look completely different from the other side.
I did a reading recently for a woman who had lost both of her parents. One had been gone a while, and the other had just crossed over. I didn't know they'd been divorced. When I saw them, they were together, like any couple on the other side, looking after their family.
The animosity was gone. What was still there was the love that made them marry in the first place.
The divorce happened, and so did the hurt. None of that gets erased. But the anger doesn't come along with them, and what's underneath it is still there.
I don't see this in every divorce, and not every couple shows up this close. But very often, they're in the same room, so to speak. No anger, no hostility, just looking after the people they love, together.
7. They'll wait for you, and time doesn't exist to them.
They aren't being held somewhere. Your love isn't holding them here. This is where they go, right here with you. Time doesn't exist on their side, so they wait for everyone who matters to them to join them, and then you all decide together what comes next.
In the meantime, they hear you, feel you, and often talk to you constantly.
For them, there is no veil. We're the ones who have to peek behind it.
The person you loved is still the person you loved
After thousands of readings, this is the thing I most want people to know. Crossing over doesn't erase who they were.
The funny one is still funny. The quiet one still hangs back and watches. The Mom who always had notes still has notes.
They haven't become a stranger or turned into someone else, and they haven't gone far. They're still them, and they're still connected to you.
And yes, they can hear you when you talk to them.
Wish You Could Hear From Them?
Maybe there’s someone you still talk to in your head. Something you wish you could ask them. Or maybe you just want to know they’re still around.
In a Messages from Spirit reading, I connect with the people you’ve lost — and yes, the pets too. I never know who is going to come through or what they’re going to bring up, but it’s often the little things no one else would know that mean the most.
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