Toxic People & Energy Drains: How to Protect Your Peace
This is what it feels like to be around toxic people: the steps may seem graceful, but the air gets harder to breathe.
The Invisible Toxins
Not all toxins come in bottles or with labels. Some of the most harmful are invisible—hidden in words, attitudes, or the way a person makes you feel after spending time with them.
Have you ever walked away from a conversation and felt inexplicably heavy? Or noticed that a single sarcastic remark kept replaying in your head for hours? These are not just "bad vibes." They are energetic toxins—unseen but deeply felt, capable of polluting your inner clarity and stealing your peace.
The truth is, we all encounter people whose energy doesn't sit right with us. Sometimes it's a coworker or a friend. Sometimes it's a family member. And while we can't always control who crosses our path, we can learn to recognize the toxins—and more importantly, clear them before they take root.
My Personal Encounter
I had a disturbing experience recently with a toxic person. One on one, she isn't toxic. But in a group dynamic, it was a whole other thing. The competitive, controlling, mean-girl energy came out. It was ugly.
She gossiped. She judged. She made comments that were supposed to sound witty or funny, but were really sideways put-downs, or one-upmanship moves. She wanted to know what people were talking about when she wasn't with them. She wanted to control how one person was seen by others. The whole encounter left me feeling slimed.
That's what toxic energy does. The hallmark is someone acting superior to others, and trying to pull people into that reality: I think he/she's bad, so you all should think so too. It's not always obvious in the moment, but afterward you notice you've shut down. You stop having fun. You feel drained or like you have to defend yourself.
One of the most common ways this toxic energy manifests is through gossip, which happened repeatedly in my recent encounter.
The Gossip Effect
Gossip often masquerades as harmless connection—sharing secrets, trading stories, "bonding" over someone else's business. Pretending we care about the person we are talking about. But gossip is sticky energy. It lingers long after the words are spoken.
The danger of gossip is that it lowers the vibration in a room. Instead of feeling uplifted, you leave questioning yourself: If they talk about her that way, what do they say about me? Or wondering am I ok?
Energetically, gossip is like breathing in secondhand smoke. You didn't light the cigarette, but your body still absorbs the poison.
Antidote: Refuse to feed it. Change the subject, stay neutral, or step away. Have your responses ready. Say gently, "It's not my place to judge," or "I don't want to participate in that." If there are others around when you say this, they usually won't attack — they'll move on to something else, and you can leave the conversation. If the energy doesn't shift, walk away.
Snark, Criticism & Negativity
We all know the snarker—the one who hides criticism in a joke. "I'm just kidding!" they'll say, but the sting still lands. Or the critic, quick to point out what's wrong and slow to celebrate what's right.
Over time, repeated exposure seeps into your self-esteem. You start bracing for the next jab, questioning whether your joy is "too much" or your dreams "too big."
Energetically, constant criticism creates static in your energy field. It interrupts your intuition like radio interference.
Antidote: Call it what it is. If you feel safe, set a boundary: "That comment didn't feel good." If not, silently affirm: That energy is not mine to carry. Then consciously release it—a deep breath, a visualization, a hand over your heart to reclaim your center.
The Rose Meditation is perfect both for protecting yourself and for releasing absorbed negativity. While it's simple and only takes 10 minutes, don't underestimate its power—when practiced daily, it becomes transformative. Bestselling author Jackie Pflug says it changed her life, and it's a cornerstone of my Psychic Protection class at Miraval-Arizona. [Download it here»]
💬 “I’ve been doing the Rose meditation 1–2 times daily and find I crave it throughout the day when I feel my energy start to drain. I’m so thankful for your learnings and wisdom.” — HC
Beyond snark and criticism, toxic people often employ other subtle but damaging patterns of behavior.
Common Toxic Dynamics
Toxic energy doesn't always arrive in obvious packages. Sometimes it's disguised as need, charm, or even "love." Here are the most common patterns:
The Energy Vampire: Conversations always tilt their way. You give, they take. Afterward you feel like someone unplugged your batteries. You leave every interaction with your enthusiasm and vitality drained.
The Controller: Uses guilt, pressure, judgment, or manipulation to get their way. You feel suffocated, like your choices don't belong to you. "If you really cared about me, you would..."
The Passive-Aggressive: Words coated in sugar, but the undertone is bitter. Jokes that cut, "forgetfulness" that punishes. Playfulness that is really a put down. You leave questioning if it's them or you—which is exactly what they want.
About Me
I'm Janet Rae Orth, and I've been exactly where you are—until I learned to build unshakeable energetic boundaries. Now, as an intuitive reader, energy healer and spiritual coach, I help sensitive people recognize when they're carrying energy that isn't theirs, clear toxic attachments, and reclaim their power. Because your energy is sacred, and you deserve relationships that lift you up.
How to Recognize Toxic People
Watch for the contradictions. Toxic people often say one thing while doing another. They might declare "it's not my place to judge" while actively judging others in the same breath. Their actions and words don't match.
Here's a distinction that matters: Some people have different opinions or values than ours, and they may make different choices. As long as no one is getting hurt, that's okay. But toxic people often use those differences as an excuse to judge and tear others down. As if they are better so therefore it is ok.
And here's why it's so confusing: people are complicated. We aren't one-dimensional. A toxic person can have good qualities and still show up in toxic ways. Someone might have been there for you during a life crisis, or you might share years of friendship, children growing up together, or favorite activities.
You can enjoy them one-on-one and yet, in certain settings, like the one I was just in, the energy shifts and the toxicity spills out. That's what makes these relationships hard — they are not all bad. But the toxic behavior still takes a toll.
How to Know You're Absorbing It
Not sure if you're being affected? Here are some signs:
You feel drained, anxious, or heavy after spending time with someone.
You replay conversations long after they're over.
You find yourself doubting your worth or shrinking your joy.
You dread get togethers but can't name why.
Physical cues: headaches, tight chest, disrupted sleep.
You feel small around certain people or might be more quiet.
These are clues your energy field has absorbed what isn't yours. These warning signs aren't just temporary discomfort—they point to deeper spiritual and energetic damage that occurs when we absorb toxic energy over time.
The Spiritual & Energetic Consequences
Left unchecked, toxic dynamics don't just bruise your feelings—they alter your spiritual landscape.
They block your intuition, clouding your ability to sense what's true. They create energetic cords that pull you back into old patterns. Or make you unconscious. They keep you small, teaching you to doubt your voice. Over time, they can leave you disconnected from your own light. And avoiding doing new things, or taking risks for fear of being judged or because you’ve been made to feel like you aren’t good enough; to have it, do it, or be it.
This is why awareness matters. Just as you wouldn't drink from a polluted stream, you don't need to keep absorbing polluted energy.
Gossip and Judgment in Ancient Wisdom
It isn't just modern psychology that warns us about gossip and judgment. Ancient wisdom has spoken about it for centuries. Even if you aren't religious, this wisdom has been around forever, because these people have too.
The Bible says clearly: "Do not judge, lest you be judged" (Matthew 7:1). Proverbs warns, "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret" (Proverbs 11:13). And Ephesians urges, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up" (Ephesians 4:29). Words matter. Gossip wounds. Judgment poisons the air we all share. ‘Building up’ is the cornerstone of true friendship or relationships. Remember that.
The Kabbalah goes deeper, teaching that words create reality. Gossip is considered one of the most destructive forces because it lowers vibration and separates souls from their divine spark. And I feel this, I know you do too.
In the Tree of Life, two forces balance this: Chesed (lovingkindness) and Gevurah (boundaries, discipline). Chesed reminds us to meet people with compassion. Gevurah reminds us to hold the line and protect ourselves. We need both when navigating toxic dynamics. Compassion is so important. Boundaries are how we protect ourselves, and it takes discipline to not lose your space and follow through on not participating in the negativity.
Despite this timeless wisdom warning us about toxic behavior, we often find ourselves making excuses for it anyway.
Why We Stay Silent — and Why We Can't
Sometimes we excuse bad behavior in those closest to us: We think we are caring, being understanding, because he/she had trauma. She's under stress. And yes, trauma may explain why someone acts a certain way — but it doesn't excuse the harm it causes. Or make it right.
Sometimes we stay silent because we know if we confront them, even compassionately, they'll deflect. More often, they'll attack. And it's such a direct assault that you lose your clarity and confidence.
Toxic people are masters of manipulation and gaslighting. So we don't dare speak to them about it, we know it won't go well. But that is how they control others, the fear of being attacked or being the person they talk about next.
But pretending it doesn't affect us or others doesn't work either. Toxic energy does hurt. It makes us doubt ourselves. It muddies our space. It can even block our intuition. In short, we lose ourselves, our confidence, our clarity, our truth.
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Solutions: Protecting Your Energy
You don't need to live in fear of toxic people. You simply need tools that allow you to stay clear, centered, and protected.
Boundaries as Spiritual Medicine
Saying "no" is not selfish—it's sacred. Boundaries are energetic filters that let love in but keep toxins out. When you can't avoid them — in family, work, or community — boundaries become sacred. Think of toxic people like a dog that bites. They might not be biting right now, but you know they're capable of it, so you're always careful around them.
Protect Your Personal Information
Don't share personal details — toxic people often ask questions that look like curiosity but are really about gathering information to use later. Whether you're moving, decorating, starting a new job or business, or have a new person in your life, they'll probe. Protect what's precious by keeping it private. Think of things you could say for when that moment comes up. "Wow, so many questions". Or say something simple "I don't know", when they ask for details.
If you are religious, Jesus said "Don't cast your pearls before swine." You are the pearl, you’re precious, you have value. Swine - or pigs( take it from a girl who spent a lot of time on a farm), pigs will devour anything. This is a deep metaphor, meditate on it. This divine wisdom about protecting what's precious applies directly to how we handle toxic relationships today.
Learning to recognize these dynamics and protect your information and your soul is just the beginning. Building consistent practices to maintain your energetic boundaries takes ongoing support and guidance.
Daily Clearing Practices
Prepare yourself before you see someone you know is toxic. Meditate, ground, center yourself, visualize a shield of gold light. Afterward, clear your energy so you don't carry the negativity home. Remember the Rose Meditation I mentioned earlier? Use it both before and after dealing with toxic people—it's perfect for this clearing work.
Take Epsom salt baths or showers (physical water clears energy).
Journaling (naming what you picked up helps release it).
Most importantly, don't internalize it. When you feel small, slimed, or crazy, remind yourself: It's not me. This is their energy, not mine. They can make you doubt yourself, tell you that you make too much of things or are too sensitive. It isn't you.
Ready to Master Your Energetic Boundaries?
Feeling drained by toxic people? My specialized Energetic Boundaries session will teach you advanced techniques to shield yourself from toxic energy, clear unwanted attachments, and maintain your peace in any situation. These practices really work — they're part of all my classes, workshops, and immersions. You can do them right from home by phone.
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💬 "Janet is a wonderful teacher. Her solid techniques to harness and manage our energy boundaries make a daily difference in becoming our truest, strongest selves." — HO
💬 "It was such an amazing experience taking energetic boundaries class. I've been working on implementing the tools you taught." — BG
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Why Protecting Your Peace Matters
You don't need to condemn toxic people, but you also don't need to stand in their smoke. Protect your energy. Refuse the poison. Don't give them more brain power or energy than they deserve. Your energy is your home. Guard it like the most sacred space you have. And when you do, your clarity, your peace, and your light return.
Need Clarity on Specific Relationships?
If you're feeling energetically drained, carrying someone else's toxic energy, or need clarity on specific people or relationships, an Intuitive Reading can help you clear these attachments and restore your natural state.
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